Today.

Today I miss her.

Today I miss her so much, that the pain sits like a weight on my chest.

Its been two weeks since she died…and I find myself terrified i’ll forget things. Forget how she smiled or rolled her eyes, how she answered the phone or how thrilled she would be getting a smile from harvey.

Yesterday my family and I took on the task of clearing out her cupboards. Something we were determined to make one of our “remember when we nearly peed our pants laughing?” moments…I think we succeeded, for her.

But today…today it cuts like a knife.

Its hard to comprehend how a person with so much determination, personality…so much love could come down to a little rectangle box on the mantle piece.

I need her.

Its selfish but I still need her guidance, her opinion, I need her to see harvey crawl, sit…walk.

Thats the part that hurts the most. I know I will see her again someday soon, but my heart breaks for all the moments she wont see, the things she will miss out on. It slowly carves a chunk out of my heart.

to have her back for one more family dinner, one more gossip session, just one more phone call.

I look back and think I never told her I loved her enough, I didn't show her enough patience.

She was so very strong in her fight, I try to do the same…but today I give in.