I am not an expert on grieving. I do not have some fancy degree in psychology and I most certainly could not guide you through even if I wanted to.
It's been nearly 1 year 4 months since my mom passed away, and maybe its now being 7 months pregnant with our second bambino that I feel that this process we call "grieving" apart from highly and I really do mean HIGHLY sucking, it also seems to get lost in translation a bit. For instance happening to not socialize with a lot of people other than my family for a period...doesn't really translate into "HELP I'm holding a gun to my head and I'm about to pull the trigger" - that sort of thing.
I have come to realize too that everyone has their own view of what is an acceptable way of grieving...more often it is those that are not experiencing what we are. No two lives are ever the same, so no two losses can ever be compared - its kind of a fact.
From the very second she took her last breath, life changed, it changed for us forever. Never to be the same. Life altering moments like that tend to change people, we are not the same people. Perhaps a little harder, a little less enthusiastic, a little more "I couldn't care less" - can you honestly blame us. If anyone is expecting the exact same person to be standing in front of them, let me say right, up front, forget about it!
I've realized that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and certainly no right or wrong time frame to do it in. Things like 30 years of marriage and 25 years of parenting can not simply be "gotten over" in a year. It has been the relationship that has shaped me most in my life...try to comprehend that. And I'm going to go really dark here for a second and say, try to imagine not being able to call someone mom for over a year...
I read an article that said that changes in ones life years down the line (e.g the birth of a child) can set in motion the grieving process again, and that goes for all members of the family - I thought that made sense.
Iv had someone say to me regarding a family member, " Oh that's not normal", if there is a normal, please for the love of Pete I beg of you to tell me. Normal really doesn't exist, so whether I'm trudging through or lying on the floor momentarily screaming "earth swallow me now", as long as I'm still moving isn't that enough?
I don't know if anyone else finds this but...you really don't have to say anything to me about it, in fact Id rather prefer if we just ignored the cloud that is sometimes over our heads.
There are ups and downs, bad days that yes maybe turn into a week or two, but eventually they get a little better until they turn into fine or maybe even an o.k...I really don't think anyone can expect anything more. Basically what I'm trying to say is sometimes we cry and that's still OK, sometimes we don't want to talk about it and that's OK, sometimes we don't want company and just want to be at home and that's OK, sometimes we don't want everyone to know our medical history at this moment in time and that's OK and sometimes we feel a little more on the depressed side and that's OK. Heck sometimes we are totally fine and that's OK...we are all OK!
